508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
