just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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