i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
