I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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