Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
