I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
