My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
