I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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