I could make wine with my vomit
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
In America we eat man semen.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
