So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
