Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
