i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
