Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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