hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
