just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
