I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
