His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
