I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
