I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
