it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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