Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the day after is always just damage control
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
