Are we in a gay sports bar?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
