He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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