No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
