I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
