i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize