I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
