yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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