I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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