Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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