Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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