I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
