I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
