my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
