i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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