i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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