If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
