Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
