Your mouth is God's brothel.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
