you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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