He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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