its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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