Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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