LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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