I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize