I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
