dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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