im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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