Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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