I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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