dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
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I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
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