I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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