It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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