hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize