i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
