Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so let's talk penis.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
