FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
