Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
