I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
