the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
