I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize