My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't deserve a penis
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize