He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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