I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
