my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
