I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.