Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.