I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.