Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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