is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
