And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
