I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
