last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
