this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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